14 June

More people than ever that I know are suffering from stress, at times myself included. And many say that our world is a stressful place right now, in general. I wanted to share what were for me some hard-won lessons about stress, gained through a lot of years of shitty stuff. They may or may not be useful to others. What it took me a lot of years to understand is that stress, and its usual opposite of relaxation, are like all other feelings. They’re not things in themselves. When somebody feels cold, we don’t say ‘hot’ to them, as if to say ‘get hot’. We tell them to put a jumper on, or go inside. But when somebody feels stressed, we often say ‘relax’. As if being relaxed was something you can do. You can do things that make you *feel* relaxed, but you can’t just relax, it’s terrible advice. But even when somebody does something to feel relaxed, like deep breathing or a holiday, within seconds of being back in their usual environment, they often feel stressed all over again. People take so many sick days and holidays to try to fix stress, but it doesn’t last. This vicious rubber-banding between feelings - stress and relaxation - can go on for years. The way out of the rubber band in my experience is to stop treating stress and relaxation as two feelings. Like all feelings they’re just contrasts between experiences, not things. The answer is the last place people often think to look. Start embracing the feeling of stress, for what it actually is - your body giving you more energy to deal with a difficult situation. Like being on a rollercoaster, that adrenaline rush can actually be very pleasant and powerful, if you understand it. Use the energy to resolve the actual situation, if it can be resolved, or to study it and see if what you're seeing as a problem really is a problem. If those aren't possible, use the energy to get out of the situation, or accept it just for what it is. People who suffer from what they call ‘stress’ are usually focusing on the feelings, and trying to control the feelings. It’s all about framing how you experience the feelings.