9 September

We attribute the feelings of love we feel for somebody, to that person. We think those feelings are caused by them. But they never are, and this applies to anything we love (an object, a band, a pair of shoes). We’re in love with our idea of that person, or band, or shoes. That’s what we love. Pepe Le Pew shows it well. Being ‘in love’ lasts until the idea we have of what we love is so out of whack with what it actually is, that it becomes a clash. That can take years, as people find mutual accomodations to each other, to avoid friction. We’re always alone, even when in love. Especially then. All those warm, yum feelings of ’being in love’ are our own projections. Doesn’t mean we can’t love. But love isn’t those feelings. You can’t define love, it’s usually mistaken for things like affection, a type of very strong affection. It isn’t that. It’s the sparks caused by the unbridgeable gap between two people, each of whom is a universe. Universes in collision. It’s the joy (and anger, and sadness, and confusion, and every other emotion and feeling) of that collision, every day. You need to have the right sort of differences, to love somebody. The wrong kind will mean those sparks burn, and the clash is toxic. The fewer differences you have with them the less likely you are to feel any sparks at all. It’s a tightrope. Being comfortable with somebody usually just means co-dependency, not love.